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Juggling bad health news and a new relationship, is it to early on to share too much?

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Having a breast examination may have saved my life
Having a breast examination may have saved my life

Dear MTN,

I need your help. My family is all back in Ireland and even though I have some girlfriends here, I do not feel comfortable talking about this to any of them. I have written to you before with a cheating boyfriend and you told me to "dump him." That was the best advice you could have ever given me. He turned out to be even more of a snake after I wrote to you.


But this problem is worse. I met a really cute guy two weeks ago and so far everything is great. 


Yesterday however I got results back from the new 3D sonogram when I went for my yearly mammography and it isn't good. Thank God I paid the extra $50 fee for this 3D procedure because it showed an area that is cancer. I was told if I didn't use the new 3D it would not have shown up on the regular test. Therefore they probably would not have seen it until I went again next year. Because they caught it so early, it is very small and although I will need surgery and then reconstruction, I will live. The doctor told me this test literally saved my life. Thank God.

But what do I do about Joe, (not his real name?) This has been the best two weeks of my life with him, but I realize I hardly know him at all, and I know I can't share this very private issue with him. Please Maureen Tara, if you could give me advice again, I would really appreciate it. 


Thanks, 

- S

Dear S,

Hi, I remember who you are and I remember suggesting you "dump" your boyfriend at the time. I am glad my advice worked out for you.

I am very sorry to hear the news of the sonogram results. I agree with you how lucky you are to have gotten that new test. I also know from a friend of mine how it does in fact save lives, so thank God you got it done! I will say a prayer for your quick recovery from this.

As for Joe I agree it is too soon to talk about such a private issue with him. I suggest you just let fate handle the specifics of the situation. Between now and the surgery you should continue your relationship and see how things go. If things continue to go well you can mention you need a procedure done and that you don't want to burden him with the recovery time, and that you can take a break until you are ready to start dating again. The important thing is to see his reaction.

If he really likes you he might want to be a part of the recovery process and that would be wonderful.
However, this is a lot to ask of any guy so soon into any relationship. If he accepts your offer to put your relationship on hold, don't be upset, since he is only answering your proposal. In this case, take good care of yourself and get yourself healthy again as quickly as possible so you can continue to date him as quickly as possible. We both know fate will guide you with this decision.

I would not discuss your situation with him at this point in the relationship, since you seem to like him so much, unless when you mention the procedure he insists on knowing it. The key is to be patient with your relationship and hope for the best. Since you only know him for two weeks that's pretty much all you can do at this point. If it is meant to be then it will be! Please keep me posted on your progress and email me again when you get better and let me know how things work out between you two. I wish you the best of luck in your health and in love!

- MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

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