|Flowers don't always work!|
I've been reading your column for years and never thought I would be writing personally, but I have a situation that I need your advice on.
I have a very successful career in the car industry and six months ago a beautiful woman come into my dealership and bought a car from me. I fell for her from the first moment I saw her. Since she bought the car from me I've been trying to get her to go out with me. Unfortunately, she keeps saying no for many different reasons. I didn't make #1 Salesperson of the year with my company by giving up, so I have been calling her every week trying to change her mind
I am 57 and I think a handsome guy. Even though I have a couple of pounds to lose, I think I am a good catch. She is 43, beautiful, smart and the woman of my dreams. I need your help in trying to have her give me a chance. I should also mention to you a recent situation that occurred and now she will not take my calls anymore. I am devastated by this and need your thoughts on what to do.
Last time I spoke to her she told me she couldn't talk because her father passed away. I wanted to give her my condolences but she was too quick on the phone and hung up. I thought it would be a good gesture if I sent flowers to the funeral home. After that I decided to go and pay my respects personally to her. I got all dressed up and drove an hour away to the funeral home just to let her know how much I care about her and would like to get to know her better. I thought she would appreciate my going out of my way to see her.
When she saw me she looked like she saw a ghost. I approached her and gave her my condolences. She abruptly told me that it was inappropriate for me to be there since she doesn't know me well. I was shocked. I thought she would at least be appreciative that I sent her flowers and went out of my way to tell her personally how much I care.
Now she won't take any of my calls. I keep remembering her words that It wasn't appropriate for me to be there and it is killing me. What is your take on the situation? Do you think she was just in mourning and didn't realize how hurtful she was to me? Thanks, No name.
Dear No name,
I realize you meant well, but boy, you don't take a hint. From what you said, if she was the smallest bit interested in you she would have given you some sort of clue in the past six months. It sounds like she has been just trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings that she is just not interested.
Just because you are a great salesperson, doesn't mean you can make someone like you. It also sounds like this woman is a little out of your league, but you think you can "get her." I think you need to give up on your dreams of you both and if it is meant to be, then she will call you.
As for your sending flowers and showing up at her father's wake, that was inappropriate of you since you do not know her well. Wakes are for family and friends to gather together to show love and support to the family. Even though you want to be in her life, you aren't.
I am trying to be as kind as possible to you, but for future reference, if it takes you six months of calling someone and the person keeps declining your offer to get together, you need to listen to that person and realize not everyone is going to like you the way you like them.
The good news is in your line of business you get to meet many women and there are more fishes in the sea.
Good luck to you!
PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT firstname.lastname@example.org.
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