Getting ditched after a one-night stand - how could I tell he was in it for one thing?


Dear MTN,

I really need your advice. I'm 29 years old and all my friends are married. I've been told by many men in my life that I am attractive. I am at the point in my life that I would like to get married too, and also to soon start having children.

Last weekend I finally got one of my married friends to go out with me. We went to a really popular club and I met a really gorgeous guy. We talked for four hours. My girlfriend ended up leaving me there with this guy. After we talked at the club for a while longer he asked me if I wanted to hang out more at his house. I felt a real connection with him, so I agreed.

I had one of the greatest nights of my life and I ended up staying the night. In the morning he seemed like a different guy. He was very cold to me and was rushing to take me home so he could go to work. I kept waiting for him to ask for my phone number, but he never did. Finally as he dropped me off I asked him if he wanted it. I know it sounds desperate, but since we had such an amazing emotional connection the night before, I wasn't sure if maybe he was worried about being late for work and maybe it just slipped his mind to ask. He answered "yes" and wrote down my number. His last words to me were "I'll call you."

Well, no call as of yet. Last night I was so mad and disappointed in him that I remembered where he said he worked and I called him there. He seemed cold on the phone and said he was very busy at work and would call me back. Well, no call.

My question to you is...if he didn't want to see me again, why did he go out of his way so much to make our evening together so great? And if he wasn't interested, why wasn't he honest with me and just said he didn't want to see me again? What is with these guys in New York? 

- Single in NY

Dear Single in NY,

If you are seriously looking to find husband material at this point in your life, meeting and "hooking up" with guys in clubs is probably not the way to go.

When you meet a guy in a club and there is drink involved, you run a very high risk of him telling you what you want to hear so that he can get what he wants from you, and it sounds like he did.

I recommend to all singles, if you want to have fun and have casual relations, the club scene is the best way to go. It sounds to me that he either wasn't looking for a committed relationship or he may even have a girlfriend. Instead of beating yourself up over it, just learn from it and know for the next time you meet a guy in a club. He was most likely just interested in having a one night stand.

Try taking a class on a subject that you are interested in, or find a co-ed volleyball league that you can join now during the winter. You will have more luck in finding a guy there that at least you will know you have that particular same interest in.

To answer your question of why he didn't just tell you the truth? You already know the answer. He didn't want to have the uncomfortable confrontation with you of admitting that he was only looking for one thing the night before. Rule of thumb for any new guy you meet; if he doesn't ask for your phone number, don't offer it. If he wants it, he'll ask. Even if he does forget to ask, he'll find a way to find you, as you did to him. Good luck to you. - MTN



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