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Advice for 'Friends with Benefits' from Maureen Tara Nelson

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Maureen Tara Nelson
Dear MTN,


I really need your help!  I read your column every week and trust that if anyone can help me with this, it is you.

I started seeing this guy over five years ago and while we were dating things were great and we both said we loved each other.  But when he went away to school we decided it wouldn't be in our best interest to try to have a long distance relationship and decided to remain friends but we would both date other people.  He has been back a year, and we are both single now and have been "friends with benefits" for the past year. We have discussed getting back together, but I am scared to make the jump into boyfriend/girlfriend because if it does not work out, I lose one of my best friends. I love having him as a friend and would never want to lose that. What does a girl do?  HELP! - Dani

Dear Dani,

I am a big believer of guys and girls being "just friends."  In my opinion, since you value his friendship so much, I would suggest you continue your friendship with him, and see if fate ever changes your friendship into being boyfriend/girlfriend again.  What I do want to stress to you is the danger in being "friends with benefits." It is very easy for guys to handle that type of relationship.  It is much harder for us girls...If you are going to remain friends, I strongly suggest you just keep it friends.

Why should he get the benefit of "friends with benefits?"  What exactly do you get emotionally from that type of relationship.  Emotionally you get nothing.  Don't fool yourself into thinking you are happy with that.  Think of it as he gets either or.  Without the "benefits" part, see how or if your relationship changes.  Then decide how you truly feel. 

Remember what the old saying is, why buy the cow when the milk is for free!  It still pertains today.  Good luck and please keep me posted on how it works out. - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO SEND IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTNMATCHMAKING@AOL.COM

PERSONAL MESSAGE TO ANONYMOUS...No I am not dating that guy you wrote in about, but I thank you for taking the time to give me the "information on him", and for you looking out for me in case I was.  I think you made the right decision to tell the police about him in the problem you have with him, so in your case you get either your money back or the work completed properly. I am sure the police will take care of it for you.  I am however, interested in why you thought I would be dating him?  If you could take a minute and let me know, I would greatly appreciate it.  Thanks, XXXXXXXX

Maureen Tara Nelson is NY's only Irish American Matchmaker.  With over 12 years experience, she has over 1000 success stories.   She is also the most affordable Matchmaking service in NY.  She has offices in NYC and Long Island.  For more information, please call 1888-31-match or 516-444-2861.  Mention this article and you will receive a 10% discount. 

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