Billy O'Reilly has made a list, and checked it twice, and he's come to a decision about who's naughty and nice.
Memo to the gays, he's totally on to you.
The pugnacious pundit, already steamed over what he called the death of 'traditional America' during the presidential election, now believes he has uncovered the root of the so-called war on Christmas.
It's gay people. Gay people are the antithesis of Christmas. You read that right.
Speaking on the O'Reilly Factor on Thursday night O'Reilly agreed with Imus in the Morning producer Bernard McGuirk when McGuirk blamed abortion and gay rights for the so-called 'war on Christmas.'
MCGUIRK: 'The war on Christmas is very, very real, and if you ask me, in addition to some grouchy misanthropic heathen atheists it has to do - at the root of it - with two things - abortion and the gay rights agenda, because Christianity is against those things. It's subtle but that's why it's so pronounced in recent years.'
O'REILLY: 'Hundred percent agree. I absolutely agree 100% that the diminishment of Christianity is the target and Christmas is the vehicle because the secularists know the opposition to their agenda (legalized drugs is in that as well) comes primarily from the Judeo-Christian traditionalist people.'
O'Reilly is correct, of course. What could possibly be gay about gaudy decorations and shiny baubles and glitter? What's queer about a golden fairy on top of a tree? Answer, according to O'Reilly, the people's champion with the Harvard degree, not a thing. Christmas is robustly heterosexual. And it's under attack.
It was news to me that Christmas had a sexual orientation at all, but I'm not a Fox News philosopher like Bill.
When reached for comment on Friday a spokesperson for the Gay Agenda told me: 'O'Reilly is 100 percent correct. We are coming for the 'Judeo-Christian traditionalist people.' We - the gays - want to dismantle their mangers and recycle their Christmas Trees; we want to throw out their turkeys and bin their creamed onions; we want to eradicate Santa and liquidate Xmas decorations. We want a joyless, colorless, tinsel-less world. Expect us.'
Seriously, though, it may be time for Bill and his fellow travelers at Fox News to take an early Christmas break themselves, because they sound more and more like the Grinches they're supposedly railing against. Tis' not the season to gay bash on television, Bill.
It's beyond stupid, it's fundamentalist and insupportable and defamatory to suggest that gay people are the enemy of Christianity and America and shopping. O'Reilly is making a big Christmas ass of himself. Instead he should practice sowing a little comfort and joy, and if he finds that he can't, he should just stay home and bah humbug in the comfort of his own mansion.