Bill Donohue's prongs and sockets

Marriage equality is now the law of the land in New York state and one man Catholic outrage machine Bill Donohue is just furious about it.

The Irish American watchdog has had it - had it - with this wrongheaded notion that gay people are human and deserve to live with dignity and in peace.

Why? Because Bill Donohue knows - he knows -  that if you grant the gays the right to marry each other that total chaos will follow. I mean, look at Canada!

Allright, don't look at Canada - look at Spain; alright look at Norway, Sweden, Belgium, the Netherlands, Portugal - alright, I admit it - nothing happened.

So Donohue, 63, appears to have his work cut out for him.

But he know's what to do, it's why he makes the big bucks. Just forget Jesus' command to love one another and to help the poor, because as every third grade bully knows it's way more profitable to gay bait.

So I presume we can all just stop worrying about our immortal souls now, because for Donohue and the church that he professes to represent it really all comes down to what's in your underpants.

'I mean, let's face it. If you want electricity, if you want juice, you can't have two sockets touch each other or two prongs. The prong has to penetrate the socket,' Donohue announced on television last week.

The prong has to penetrate the socket.

Someone should knit him a sampler with that legend. I think it would make a terrific t-shirt too. I bet it would be a hit at Barney's.

It's what the staggering, unfathomable mystery of God and the vastness of Creation all comes down to for Donohue: the prong has to penetrate the socket. They apostles and prophets could have saved themselves a lot of time writing the Bible if they'd only had Donohue's clarity.

You can actually see him waving to you from the wrong side of history and the further shores of buffoonery, can't you? What's unfathomable to me is that the church thinks he makes a good spokesperson.

It's probably not an accident at all that people that genuinely seem to hate gays spend so much time visualizing in explicit deal what they do with their private parts and how they do it. (But it's not just gays who enjoy prongs and sockets, is it?)

Donohue has always existed on a very narrow spectrum that includes other self appointed spokespeople like Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson. All are men who bash their neighbors with God's love.

But with his prongs and sockets defense we can finally see what he's been reduced to as he - and they - finally fade into history, on a very leaky raft built of their own sophistries.

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