No one can ever prove — although the Northeastern District Attorney’s office sure will try — that young Irish girl Phoebe Prince hanged herself because of the effect nasty words had on her.
After weeks and weeks of listening to school peers and ex boyfriends hurl verbal insults and post malicious comments on her Facebook page, 15-year-old Phoebe broke.
She could no longer deal with the psychological anguish that accompanied the bad stuff.
Death seemed like the only way out.
I've read and reported on Phoebe's last few hours on this earth; an early morning giggle with her real friends in her new South Hadley school turned into a dark afternoon in the school library listening to a tirade of verbal abuse from peers who hated her because she once dated the popular guys.
These words – words she was hearing on a daily basis — were taking their toll on her.
Her heart must have sunk deeper and deeper into despair as the bullies' harsh choice of vocabulary — “Irish slut” is just one example — came crashing down on her.
No doubt a feeling of hopelessness and unworthiness crept through her mind, and finally the decision to end the internal pain and suffering was made.
When exactly Phoebe decided she had enough we will never know.
None of her friends ever remember her saying she was going to kill herself, but the day she died, she shared a few questionable comments with her friends.
It was only after her death that her sentiments made sense.
I've no doubt everyone who has survived puberty can say they've experienced some sort of bullying during their teenage life, some no doubt worse than others.
We were at our most-fragile. One is lucky to escape unscarred. Fitting in was essential for acceptance.
Usually, it was necessary to be part of "the popular gang" to feel any sort of contentment — the girls and guys who were good-looking, athletic and more often than not came from money.
If you weren't part of this clique — and most weren’t — you suffered in one way or another.
It’s a possibility you internally tore yourself up because you felt inadequate, or those around you made you aware of your "non-existence."
You may have spent countless nights crying yourself to sleep and many mornings begging your parents not to send you to school because you couldn't face another day of torment.
You may have even contemplated – albeit not very seriously — ending life as you knew it.
Those were the bad times.
But it was sometimes good.
Remember that first boyfriend. It didn't matter if he was as unpopular as you were; no one could take away that feeling of belonging and accomplishment as you held his hand during recess.
You proved to the "popular kids" you too could be like them — loved and needed.
Phoebe Prince had these emotions, too.
She was an instant hit with the South Hadley boys when she got to the school last September.
She began dating one of the school's football stars and no doubt felt she had carved a place for herself among the popular kids.
She had her brief moment in the spotlight until it turned nasty.
Then came the crying herself to sleep and the beating herself up internally.
And then came the end.
In recent weeks, reports surfaced that Phoebe and her family reported the bullying to school officials — they are denying any such knowledge.
The students responsible for the bullying have all been charged.
Her parents and siblings are trying to piece their lives back together.
A lot of lives have been torn apart by Phoebe’s death, some more than others. And several severe consequences will be doled out as time goes on. But one thing is for sure: Phoebe's death was a direct result of the impact hurtful and demeaning words can have on someone.
It’s time we taught our children the power and effect words can have, or there will countless more Phoebe-like suicides.
There is a lesson to be learned. Let's get teaching!
10 Comments
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.daisyjune | May 30, 2010, 09:11 PM EDT
I am crying reading this. My heart hurts. We have lost hope, love, and a better world as a result of Phoebe's death. I feel her desperation and pain. I wish she could have gotten help, counseling, or left the school. Where were her parents when she was so vulnerable, didn't they have any idea??? I am SO sorry this happened.
eiramlebarv | May 12, 2010, 01:32 PM EDT
When I first read about Phoebe, I was, and still am, very upset. I believe these students should be punished and not just a slap on the wrist. Their parents should be punished as well. They raised these monsters. My oldest son was bullied in middle school because he was small for his age and we were not "townies". I talked to his teachers about kids kicking his back pack out from under his seat while in class. Their answer that that is what kids do. I spoke to the principal. He was insulted that I implied that his kids weren't nice kids. He said that he can take his students anywhere and all he has to do is threaten them to act nice. What a crock! We did put our son in a private school and the town was insulted that we took him out of their wonderful school. Very few of the townies move anywhere else to live. They're afraid that they won't get along and that they will be treated nasty. The administration and teachers should be held accountable. Of course they are going to deny that they knew anything about the bullying. They are covering their own asses. Unfortunately they will probably get slapped on their wrists and they will move on. I don't know how they can sleep at night. Phoebe is with God now and at peace. The bullies, their parents, administrators, and teachers have their judgement day.
jacersisityourself | May 08, 2010, 08:19 AM EDT
When I was a schoolboy, I got a lot of stick in the schoolyard for being one the best footballers playing for the school. The taunting did bother me, almost made me stop playing sports but my father said those words to me “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you”. For me, his advice was right, I got stuck back in and went on to win many medals – the first, despite being captain of the losing side in a final, was for ‘Best Player of the Tournament”. I received a standing ovation from my classmates’ then and I remember bursting into tears at their appreciation! That first medal is still my most treasured although I have quite a few league and championship medals in my collection. Tragically for Phoebe, God rest her, the advice might never have worked but it should for most. One should think that what others think of you is not your problem, it’s theirs.
mom5683 | Apr 19, 2010, 11:45 PM EDT
A bible verse comes to mind. Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue... I believe the best advice for parents to help your teen through this transition from child to adult, would be to live your lives as an example for your children. They may not admit it, but, they are watching you very close. Stay in there with them supporting them every step of the way. Learning how you respond and act to negative situations teaches them how to handle problems in their own life. When out of control kids at school bully; what they say and do, effect us, we all remember them in our lives. What makes the difference, are the adults that were there for us in our corner. I have two children in college, it was my mission to be there for them. This case with Phoebe, hits all of us parents hard. May the picture of her young smile and eyes of hope represent all of the children who need a helping hand from us adults.
mom5683 | Apr 19, 2010, 09:06 AM EDT
auto117584 Are you an internet troll? Your comments no longer have an impact, we know what you are trying to do. Go live your life in a more positive light.
auto117584 | Apr 19, 2010, 08:38 AM EDT
"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me." It's important for parents to teach their kids that what the kid thinks about himself is what's important, not what others think. Knowing one's own truth is essential. Too bad Phoebe didn't have parents who were doing their job.
KansasUSA | Apr 18, 2010, 02:39 PM EDT
Words have the power to shape us and define who we become and it is often the negative words that we remember most. Words can't harm Phoebe Prince any more-she is at peace but if we learn nothing else from her story we must learn that words have impact and we must teach ourselves and each other to use them wisely.
PeachPie | Apr 18, 2010, 10:11 AM EDT
I should also say....in this picture of Phoebe, she looks so much to me like my own teen daughter, Molly, that it's heartbreaking to look at.
PeachPie | Apr 18, 2010, 10:07 AM EDT
Good piece, April. Irish Central has had some of the best articles about Phoebe Prince. Thank you.
Sandylee9 | Apr 18, 2010, 08:11 AM EDT
It's a terrible shame that some kids can be so cruel. It's always been like that as I remember back in school. It's just heart breaking that this poor child took her life because of ignorant kids.