Queen Liz, royal welfare family have gone all a-Twitter
She was always a twit, but now Her Travesty Queen Elizabeth can tweet, too.
Yes, in a stunning example of why technological progress will kill us all, Queen Elizabeth, and presumably, the entire welfare family she heads up, are now on the Twitter social network, residing at @BritishMonarchy.
She has almost 10,000 followers among her fellow Twits, which is probably about ten times as many followers as she and the gang actually have in real life.
Very appropriately, Twitter is a micro-blogging network — that is, it's one for people who don't have very much to say. I'm not sure I have ever heard her exceed Twitter's 140-character limit in any public appearances, so she should fit like a lid on a trash can.
It goes without saying — which is sort of her motto — that no member of the Royal Family will actually be tweeting themselves. There are deputies and minions and prime ministers for these lowly purposes, as well as Dukes, Squires, Apostles, Admirals, Princes and Princesses, Aces, the Monopoly Man, and The Incredible Hulk.
"The intention," said a Buckingham Palace spokeswoman, "is that it is a news service rather than a personal voice."
That's probably a good plan. I'm afraid that history has shown that these Royal folks can do a great deal of damage and still stay under the 140-character limit. For instance:
"And what do you do?" — Queenie question to British guitar greats, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck and Brian May
"Have you been playing a long time?" — Herself again, to Clapton, same reception
Father told me if I ever met a lady in a (very low-cut) dress like yours, I must look her straight in the eyes." — Prince Charles
"When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground and swish my tail — none of which is easy." — Princess Anne
“Golf seems to be an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dog’s s--- out." — Princess Anne
“So YOU’RE responsible for the kind of crap Channel 4 produces.” — Prince Philip, on being introduced to the chairman of Britain’s Channel 4 television network
"These bloody people. I can't bear that man. I mean, he's so awful, he really is. I hate doing this." — Prince Charles, hailing a member of the press into a "dead" mic
There's more, but you get the idea. Heaven help us if Prince Horny, er, Harry, starts "sexting" on Twitter.
What a royal flush!