This is your new President Donald Trump Lord of all the Fishes in the Sea, with an important message now that I am inaugurated.
Beware of Mexican nannies, maids, elderly caregivers, care and cooks. Also beware of Mexican fish swiming into US waters, I'm going to build a giant net to stop it.
Be wary of all Mexican females. Beware of males too: landscapers, fruit pickers, handymen, taco makers and sellers.
I need to report to you that such people may well be shooting up in a traditional all white pristine perfect NRA sponsored American town or city close to you, right now.
The Mexican maids are especially dangerous as they know the layout of the houses of the wonderfully white folks they live to work for. There’s something going on with Mexican maids, frankly.
As your president I have promised I will build a huge wall at least 955 feet tall to prevent these Mexican muggers attacking our pure white and noble race.
We must immediately waterboard all Mexican maids and nannies and force them to tell us what they know. As your president I am also considering filling Guantanamo with these taco pushers who dare to do most of the dirty jobs in our society.
I have personally arranged for Rudy (The Scream”) Giuliani to lead the charge to fill that Cuban island hellhole. We may also throw some Democrats in there.
Those of you who proclaim that we got the southwest territories and California because of a phony war we started with Mexico back in 1846 have no idea what you are talking about, frankly.
What of it if Abraham Lincoln himself believed the war was started by President Polk under a false premise and said so in Congress?
What would that poorly educated farm boy from Kentucky know that I, me, I, The Great Donald do not know instead?
I am a Know Nothing and mightily proud of it. My co-writer of The Art of the Deal says I have never read a book in my life.
What of it? Besides, "Goodnight Moon" was not about me so why read it. Me, Me, Me.
Why read when I can tweet to millions even though my spellings have to be corrected. Look on me you mighty and despair.
Armageddon is coming in the shape of Mexican nannies and taco makers. I can smell it. Gonna be huuuge.
I always say, “There’s something going on here” like with Obama’s fake birth cert, Obama’s secret Muslim past, Hillary’s ties to rich Arabs.
I need to talk to my good friend Putin -- he blew up a journalist the other day for speaking out against him. I’ve asked the CIA to look into it so I might be able to get away with it myself.
I will make America great again because I am me, I, the Donald, the King of Kings. I liked Idi Amin’s full title when he was in charge of Uganda and took no messing, feeding opponents to the crocodiles.
He was known as "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.
I like that, though it sounds a little underplayed. How about The Donald, Creator of All Things, Light of Our Lives, Star of the Sea, Morning Star, Most Handsome and Noble of All, King of Kings.”
Sounds good don’t you think? Me, Me, Me.
Some folks call me a sociopath, whatever that is. I could have them shot for saying that. I’m a regular guy, handed hundreds of millions by my father, bankrupted six times, created fake universities, gave as little as possible to charity. Won’t release my tax returns while the minions must.
What’s the problem?