Just one week after Phoebe Prince’s accused bullies were sentenced to probation and community service Anne O’Brien, Prince’s mother, is returning to Ireland to bury her daughter’s ashes.
Before she left she gave an exclusive interview to the Boston Globe. She wanted the world to know that her 15-year-old daughter who was driven to suicide in January 2010 due to relentless bullying was a beautiful, intelligent, sensitive girl. She also wants her family to be left alone to get on with their lives.
In March 2010 six South Hadley students were charged over the bullying of Prince. The County Clare girl soon became the poster-child for a worldwide anti-bullying frenzy.
Although O’Brien and the rest of the Phoebe’s family wanted the bullies to be held accountable she never wanted them to go to jail. What she really wanted was for them to acknowledge and apologize for what they put her daughter through. Two of the five charged with bullying, Kayla Narey and Ashley Longe, apologized.
She said “It was all we ever wanted…For these kids to take ownership of what they did, and to show genuine remorse. They either get it, or they don’t. Kayla and Ashley get it.’’
“The school personnel will never be held accountable. It’s unfair.’’
O’Brien said the teachers and administrators should have protected Prince. Instead they helped to isolate her. Somehow they seemed to think she had put herself in the situation by dating the wrong boys. O’Brien even heard that some teachers were badmouthing Prince saying she “slept with the entire football team.’’
Prince had slept with Sean Mulveyhill, one of the accused, the captain of the football team. He dumped her and the young girl took an overdose of the drug Seroquel. She told her mother straight away.
After she was released from hospital she was set upon by teens from South Hadley and adults at the school. They knew she was vulnerable.
O’Brien was also taken aback when South Hadley High school went ahead with the annual cotillion just two days after Prince had hung herself at her family home. She described this decision as cold and callous and questioned whether this decision would have been made had Prince been a local girl instead of a new student from Ireland.
Her mother will now always have to live with the regret of bringing Prince and her sister Lauren to South Hadley to have a break from Ireland. O’Brien said that her daughter had no problems in her Irish school.
She explained “I just thought Phoebe needed a break. She was in a school with 175 kids, grades 7 to 12…But I also thought it would be good for her and Lauren.’’
However O’Brien soon realized that being part of the South Hadley High School would not be easy. Having enrolled at the beginning in of the year Prince did not hear from the adjustment counselor until mid-November 2009. They had been made aware that Prince suffered from depression.
O’Brien said “Phoebe was made to feel she had to deal with things on her own. She didn’t feel safe, or supported. I knew she was being bullied. But I didn’t see this coming. She saw her therapist the night before, and the therapist didn’t see this coming.
“If the school had done what it should have done, the bullying wouldn’t have gotten that bad. There would not have been an escalation. Phoebe wouldn’t have felt so cornered.’’
South Hadley School Superintendent Gus Sayer maintains no one in the schools did anything wrong.
She continued “The way the school behaved after Phoebe died reflected the way they behaved before Phoebe died. They blamed her…They didn’t protect her while she was alive, and after she died they blamed her for bringing it on herself.
“As a teacher, I found it quite shocking. I think there’s a systemic problem at South Hadley, a systemic failing of my daughter and of other children. I don’t think there will be true healing or change until they have a change in the very top of the administration, until they get rid of Gus Sayer, until they get rid of the school committee that supports him.’’
O’Brien’s attorney, Robert Leonard, pointed out that Prince’s mother and the rest of the family have turned down numerous offers from book publishers and movie producers. He said “The family is not interested,” he said.
Prince’s mother is appalled by the very idea. She said “The idea that people are going to make money off this is making me demented. Phoebe has become this commodity.’’
The media frenzy surrounding daughters death disturbed her as she received letters from across the globe. She said “We’d get letters from people who lost their children. . . . A jeweler in Chicago wrote me, saying how even a year after he couldn’t go to his son’s grave. I kept thinking, why is my kid getting all this attention and what about the people whose kids don’t get attention? Those children are no less deserving of sympathy.
“At some point you’ve got to let go. I don’t want to see movies made. I don’t want to see an episode of ‘Law and Order.’ I don’t want to read books. That’s why we haven’t said anything.’’
O’Brien hopes that her daughter’s legacy will be that children are less cruel to each other, that parents talk to their kids and that teachers and administrators take bullying more seriously.
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READ MORE:
Phoebe Prince had sweet life in Ireland before U.S. nightmare
Phoebe Prince's mother finally prepares to bury her daughter in Ireland
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9 Comments
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.cabbagehead44 | May 17, 2011, 04:19 PM EDT
So sad to think the Phoebe didn't get the emotional support that she needed even from the therapist. This girl needed to be a more secure school environment where this type of behavior was not permitted. She was too vulnerable to be in a school where the staff turned a blind eye to such bullying behavior attributing it to typical adolescent behavior. Its a pity that this girl didn't have the strong support system that would have prevented this from happening and a shame that she thought that she needed to take her life to stop the pain or guilt!
cabbagehead44 | May 17, 2011, 03:30 PM EDT
So sad to think that this girl didn't get the emotional support that she needed even from the therapist that she was seeing as a patient. She should have been in a more secure school environment that didn't have this bullying or predatory behavior going on. The school staff were incompetent in doing their job when they turned a blind eye or simply ignored it and attributed it to normal adolescent behavior. It's a pity that she felt that the only way out was to take her life to stop the pain or deal with the guilt!
nidonnabain | May 16, 2011, 09:53 PM EDT
To Phoebe's mother, I would say that I would have no doubt that they would have proceeded with the dance no matter if it had been an American victim of bullying. Because they blame the victim in all cases, regardless. Is it sick that they proceeded with the dance? Yes, very.
emorstscr | May 16, 2011, 05:38 PM EDT
As someone who has firsthand experience of suicide in my own family, it takes a terrible toll on a family, that continues for generations. Two people closest to the suicides both died of colon cancer, it was as if their sadness ate at them. My heart goes out to Phoebe's family, and to the little sister who found her.
eiriamach | May 16, 2011, 02:02 PM EDT
I hope people understand and respect the family's desire not to have Phoebe's tragedy turned into a media commodity. But I also hope that others, particularly adolescents who witness or experience bullying, will tell their own stories and keep telling them until O'Brien's hope becomes reality: "that children are less cruel to each other, that parents talk to their kids and that teachers and administrators take bullying more seriously." Bullying is a topic that every adolescent knows about, and they can write some horrific stories and give moving commentary about the bullying they've felt or seen. They can help the adults understand what the victims are dealing with.
Parents | May 16, 2011, 12:41 PM EDT
I think the school staff is more at fault than anyone and the super, Gus Sayer, is quite scary. He still maintains the "school" did nothing wrong. Is he kidding? What more evidence would anyone need? They seem to be above the law, they investigate themselves, answer to no one. Why do schools always have this group of parents, usual town gossips and activists as their first line of defense? The mother is absolutely right, the top admin should be fired and the group of defending parents should be cleared out and then this school would have a chance. I think this group of parents is put in place for that very reason. It's a proactive strategy on their part for protection. I think Gus Sayer should have been fired immediately and the principal as well. Nothing happened, nothing will change. I feel for this family to have such a horrible thing happen, to see the school dance go on as planned with the bullies all there enjoying themselves and still mocking the bullied child. Why do parents put up with this? For many students the school is the scariest place they will even go in their lives, we hear about bullying and sucides all the time and still we put up with it. This school and this story is the perfect example of how wrong it all is.
Conchubar | May 16, 2011, 10:41 AM EDT
"South Hadley School Superintendent Gus Sayer maintains no one in the schools did anything wrong." I'd say no one in the schools did anything at ALL, and therein lies the problem!
catherineu | May 16, 2011, 10:12 AM EDT
When will parents and educators get it through their thick skulls that bullying is a damaging act? Parents. Please teach your children to treat others as they want to be treated and teach them this when they are young children. You need to parent and teach your children kindness, empathy and compassion. Educators--why do you continue to turn a blind eye to those children who are bullied? Are you so petrified of the bullies yourselves? These bullies need to be expelled from school. Period. Bullying is a total act of cowardice and deserves punishment. I'm sick and tired of this garbage. Time to stop the victimization of the people being bullied and take action against these cowardly bullies.
deburca | May 16, 2011, 09:56 AM EDT
I brought my daughter with me, from our home in Chicago, for a year in Ireland when she was 14. She attended a local Secondary School in a town outisde Dublin. Like this poor girl, my daughter suffered a lot of teasing and bullying from a group Irish girls who attended a neighboring school. I didn't even know it was going on at the time and only found out the extent of it a few years later. Luckily my daughter was not driven to any sort of depression from it, but I do know this sort of behaviour is quite common in girls this age and transcends country and culture. I will say, my daughter made some wonderful friends in her own school who she remains friends with to this day. Perhaps it was the support she had from her friends that helped her through the bullying she was experiencing. But I have to say, as a parent it is disheartening to realize the extent your own child will go to to keep her parents from learning what is going on.