One Irish gay man's quest to marry immigration and love

I do, but I can't : Why can't I get married to my American partner?

I like to cook Italian and French. I’m partial to an Irish stew and a pint of Guinness. I have two insane cats and they make me laugh.

Don't gay people come from families too?

It’s the simple things, I’ve discovered, that I really love.

But to hear other people tell it you’d think I spend all my time plotting the downfall of civilization. To hear some people tell it, you’d expect my life to be a non-stop party of self-indulgence and irresponsibility -- in those quiet moments when I’m not undermining the family, that is.

But don’t gay people come from families too? I mean I do, and I like families a lot. So why would I want to undermine them? No one can ever answer that, I’ve found.

So things are very good here, on the whole, and there’s no question that New Yorkers are a tolerant lot.

Today I’ve finally made my home here and it’s a good one. But I’m not fooled.

There’s a definite path to power in this world, and the trail always seems to end at the desk of a (middle aged, white) heterosexual man who holds the power of life and death over you. He can sign your marriage certificate, authorize your visa, approve your mortgage, and employ you -- or not.

Wresting even a little power from the far-reaching hands of this man has taken feminists, progressives, civil rights activists and gays over 40 years, and frankly it still looks like he’s still holding all the aces.

The sky hasn't fallen

But despite all the political foot dragging, marriage equality is coming. Gay couples can already get legally married in six of the 50 states.

The sky hasn’t fallen, husbands haven’t abandoned their wives for their old fishing buddy, churches haven’t been forced to marry gay people, and your neighbors haven’t started marrying dolphins.

The scare tactics haven’t worked, because what we are talking about, at the end of the day, is love. That idea, that we’re talking about love, can get lost when anti-gay leaders unleash a torrent of scathing contempt over people they personally dislike.

But the thing is, no one can actually prevent you from liking someone else. It’s very foolish to try.

Some of my heterosexual friends are getting married soon and they look radiantly happy. Why wouldn’t they?

Lately their daily lives have become an intoxicating whirl of wedding planning, bookings, travel arrangements and bridal registries. It’s lovely to watch.

It also has me thinking. I could do with a new microwave. Oh, and if you’re so moved, I’m quite partial to Barneys. So you can send my partner and I a gift certificate any time now.

After 12 years, I think we’ve waited long enough.

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Nster.com