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Irish mother tells how she helped her sick daughter die - VIDEO

Aided death with morphine overdose as 31-year-old lay ill

ANTOINETTE KELLY,

IrishCentral Staff Writer

Published Friday, November 4, 2011, 7:15 AM

Updated Friday, November 4, 2011, 12:40 PM

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Kay Gilderdale who helped her daughter (R) Lynn end her life

Photo by independent.co.uk

A Dublin mum who helped her daughter end her life, has spoken about the agony of being arrested, just hours after her daughter passed away.

Kay Gilderdale administered drugs to her daughter Lynn (31) to help her end her life. Shortly after her death she was arrested, strip searched and locked in a prison cell.

Gilderdale (55) gave her sick daughter morphine and a cocktail of drugs to help her commit suicide so as to end her 17-year battle with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME).

"They took me to the custody block, where I had to hand over everything I had with me. Then I was shown to a cell and two female police officers came and strip-searched me. They took my shoes, socks and tee-shirt but left me my jeans and cardigan,” she wrote in her book “One Last Goodbye”.

"They photographed my body to look for bruises as evidence of any kind of fight. Two nurses took blood and urine samples and swabs. They even snipped bits off my nails -- everything to look for signs of a struggle."

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After growing up in Dublin, Gilderdale trained to become a nurse in the UK where she now resides. She explained how her daughter had begged her to help her to die after suffering a long battle with ME which left her bed-bound.

On December 3,2008, Lynn injected herself with 210mg of morphine, after it failed to take affect, she pleaded with her mother to give her more.

"I knew instantly what had happened: she had injected the entire contents of the syringe into her bloodstream. She was crying as she signed to me, 'I can't take any more. I can't go on... I have taken all this morphine already, but it is not enough. Please, Mum, you must get me some more,' she told me," the mother recalled.

"I thought about all the things she'd put up with in 17 years of illness -- people disbelieving her, doctors sticking huge needles into her spine, her veins collapsing, contracting MRSA in hospital.

"Now, she was suffering kidney and heart problems, osteoporosis, liver dysfunction, adrenal failure and an underactive thyroid. I couldn't see how she could ever lead a normal life."

After hours of her pleading for more drugs, Gilderdale finally broke down and gave her more drugs. Later she gave her more pain medication and yet another dose of morphine. Almost 30 hours after she had called for her mam, Lynn stopped breathing.

Gilderdale then phoned her ex-husband to tell him to come to the family home in Stonegate, a village in east Sussex, to say goodbye to their daughter. He then contacted the coroner and told them his ex-wife had given Lynn morphine.

As a result she was arrested and later charged in 2009 with attempted murder. However a court later found her not guilty.

The grieving mother told the Evening Herald she decided to write a book about her daughters illness so people could understand what a difficult decision it had been.

"I got the impression that people didn't realize what a strong personality she was and exactly what she had gone through," Kay said.

"I miss her all the time, nothing will take away this deep sadness inside me but now I also remember the happy moments we shared, and before she was ill,’ she added.

From One Last Goodbye by Kay Gilderdale, published this year by Ebury.

Watch an interview with Kay Gilderdale below.

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14 Comments

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mfinucane | Nov 06, 2011, 02:32 PM EST

what a strong wonderful woman helping her daughter that way.i'm very sorry she had to endure this , her ex-husband sounds like a spiteful rat.

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mamaginnty | Nov 06, 2011, 12:01 PM EST

We would have to live this to know what we might do, with some of the criticism here, I pray that you never have to deal with a situation like this.

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Fastest | Nov 05, 2011, 12:20 PM EDT

Kay Gilderdale is a hero. I suppose it's easy for some to condemn her as they never experienced this type of situation. When my time comes and I am no longer able to enjoy anything due to pain, I hope someone will have the courage Ms.Gilderdale had.

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warlocks | Nov 05, 2011, 01:13 AM EDT

My heart goes out to this mother. we would have to walk in this mothers shoes to understand what she must have felt. I have no idea what i would do if i had to go through what she has. I hope to God i would never come to that. with any of my children. i would rather Die in their place then to help take their life . Pray for both of these souls

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lokionline | Nov 04, 2011, 06:37 PM EDT

Should individuals have the right to decide when and how they die? Forget all the hypothetical questions about the abuse of such a right for a second and consider that core question. If you answer NO to this question then you have to be ready to say who does have that right. Is it the State? Currently many States and folks in predominantly Christian US States seem to think it is -- cf. death penalty rates in these. Ironically many of these are the same folks who appear terrified by the idea of "death panels". If the only answer you come up with has to do with revealed teaching of "The creator (or any creator in one's imagination)" you are not going to persuade a lot of people -- like me, who find that argument irrelevant and annoying in the face of a serious situation we may each actually have to face. The only answer that stands up to scrutiny for me is that I am the one who has this right. No one else. I am the one who should be in control the morphine at the end or have someone I have entrusted do it for me.

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Phaenius | Nov 04, 2011, 02:23 PM EDT

correcting a portion of my last sentence: "the absolute prohibition of and of assisting suicide."

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Phaenius | Nov 04, 2011, 02:19 PM EDT

You have got to be freaking outta your mind, and anyone else who agrees with suicide and assisted suicide. Before I start any type of ranting - a suicide is a murderer, practically in offing one's self, and in potential when the suicide decides he wants company. There is NO real reason morally, practically, or rationally to support self murder or especially to assist in such type of murder because of the grease one applies to one's self upon stepping upon that slippery slope. And you count up the death toll to find that the number of victims outweighs the number of perpetrators of suicide. Here is where that obvious snide remark comes in, that justifies me to strap on my weapon of self defense and force the issue to have this concreted in the law books for its prohibition...and that, of course, is as far as one can timely intervene, which makes the issue a moral prohibition as opposed to the ability to enforce 100% the prohibition. The creator (or any creator in one's imagination) places us upon this earth to LIVE, and the License (not a Liberty because Liberty is that subset of freedom to do that which is right, and that which is right in the eyes of God)to murder the innocent LIFE, not being a real right at all, not only is not a right but it forbids us without a moral right to murder ourselves to give that presumption to another, which is the basis for our unalienable rights, that of Innocent life, liberty, and possessions - all necessary to preserve and maintain innocent life. The taking away of the major concept, the preservation of innocent life, makes the forbidding of suicide and definitely the prohibition of assisting in suicide, a moral issue that effects the safety of society, and as much as like the Germans, in order never to be involved in genocide again, even forbids one to deny the holocaust or to spit the Nazi salute, one must concrete into any law the absolute prohibition and assisting of suicide.

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BrendanDunphy | Nov 04, 2011, 01:44 PM EDT

Acting out of love, yes. But now writing a book about it?? Tell me she wrote the book out of love (not money) as well.

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phinsman | Nov 04, 2011, 01:27 PM EDT

It is every person's right to end their life if they are going through torture, if that's what they want to do. No reason to stop someone from ending their life if life is torture to them and they do not enjoy any part of life.

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paddyo42 | Nov 04, 2011, 11:46 AM EDT

I have no problem with what she did; I just hope she was diagnosed correctly. I have no faith in Irish doctors and hospitals.

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Murph46 | Nov 04, 2011, 10:38 AM EDT

God Bless You Kay,everyone should have your courage.

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cillowen | Nov 04, 2011, 10:37 AM EDT

Now if they could warm to the notion of killing those murderers caught with the smoking gun or knifee in their little handies.

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mamaginnty | Nov 04, 2011, 10:18 AM EDT

cuddlybuddy I agree 100%