Irish American mother talks of pain as daughter conceived in rape repeatedly attempts to contact her

"They are both wrong" is carrying tolerance a bit too far. What effect is this 15-year-long saga going to have on an unmarried mother today who is wavering between giving the baby for adoption and aborting it? Reading about the thuggish behaviour of the daughter is likely to incline her towards abortion thus "solving" the problem. (I am reminded of a quote attributed to Comrade Stalin: "There is a man; there is a problem. No man; No problem"!!)

They are both wrong. The mother for not at lease not giving the daughter a family medical history and the daughter for persisting in trying to contact for 15 years.

I feel compassion for both of these women. The daughter as an innocent child, deserves support. On the other hand, trying to force a relationship with a person who had been raped seems futile and doesn't respect the biological mother's rights. The daughter was adopted. It makes me wonder what kind of relationship she has with her adoptive parents. The Mother here, went through enough, I think. Having had to give birth though the pregnancy that was forced upon her through rape. She managed to overcome it and make her way in the world. I think she is to be commended for doing so - not expected to deny reality and rights to her privacy.

Foley is a cold woman. She is unloving and unforgiving--mostly of herself. Has she not read the Life of Jesus Christ??? Does she not pray The Our Father, other than as a mantra??? Foley really needs psychological and spiritual help. One doesn't just throw away a life and forget about it. Foley's cowardice is sad. I hope and will pray for her to gather courage and take her daughter's hands--both of them --as a loving estranged mom would.To her daughter, I say, Stay strong in faith and prayer. Be Blessed.

To those of you who feel that this mother has an obligation to meet her daughter regardless of her own wishes, just consider this. Suppose the mother had known when pregnant, that this situation could arise in future. She would probably have moved heaven and earth to ensure that she got an illegal abortion. Would the daughter - and her supporters here - have preferred it that way? It certainly would have solved/eliminated the problem!

As much as I respect SingleDonald's opinion, I am in SheilaRed's camp. Armchair psychologists reading this site may think that meeting the grown woman-child would be "healing." None-the-less, Ms. Foley does not want to meet and constantly harassing her and her other family members trying to wear her down to get a meeting is just that: harassment.

I am in agreement with katiemac, CelticQueenUSA, and the others who support Elaine Penn's attempt to reconnect with her mother. The reasons they give resonate as true & valid.

Cmon MOM its time to put this to bed for both of your sakes, its healing time for both of you. the swine that attacked & raped you more than likely is getting on with his life your Daughter needs closure on this & cant understand as she had no part in this, I remember reading the sins of the father should not be visited on the offspring that is not put as a religious comment but as a common sense approach to what is & has been a heavy burden to carry.I wish you well & a hope you find peace in your heart what ever you decide.

Elaine Penn should count herself lucky she wasn't raised by this cold fish of a mother. Nevertheless, the least Foley can do is to meet her once and have a discussion about her biological family's medical history at the very least, which might be useful for both Foley's daughter and grandchild. Ms. Foley is either a self-involved drama queen or a victim still suffering from an unresolved trauma. if the latter is the case, she should go for therapy.

I feel for Ms. Foley. While the rape experience was humiliating,degrading, and dehumanizing, meeting the child she so generously bore and offered for adoption (she could have had an illegal abortion) is none of those. She is only another human being whose life is full of pain from this experience as well. Feeling unwanted has a profoundly negative effect on someone. If Ms. Foley could only find it in her heart to meet Ms. Penn, she holds the power to bring about immense healing for both of them. I'm sure Ms. Penn is looking for a family connection and some measure of resolution to the mystery of who her mother is. A mother is a powerful presence in a person's life. I don't think anyone who has a biological mother can realize that until they are missing theirs.

Ms Foley needs t forgive for her own sake and for the sake of her daughter and her grandchild. The only way for her to find any peace is to find it in her heart to forgive. It is wrong to blame Ms Penn for the hurt that was done to her so many years ago, Ms Penn was an innocent party in all this and has suffered enough not having her natural mother in her life. Doesn't Ms Foley feel any guilt herself for perpetuating this pain for another generation. Enough time has passed for Ms foley to have the maturity and courage to forgive and forget!

The daughter sounds as predatory as her father. It seems the Mother has made it clear that she does not want to meet the daughter, but has been hounded and harrassed for 15 years. This sounds a lot like stalking. I would not want to meet someone who treated me like this either, and my sympathies are entirely with the mother. The daughter needs to stop re-victimizing the poor woman and get on with her own selfish life.

Very sad indeed. Is the point of this article that she would have been better off aborting the child? There is a living breathing human being here who longs to meet her mother, what an inconvenience! Perhaps Ms. Foy would be better off meeting her and explaining that she doesn't want to be part of her life.

This is so sad to read. The women involved are both causing each other such great pain, worse than the rape. The secret is out and so instead of facing the situation Mother refuses to meet this daughter who no fault of her own was born to her. The existence of this young woman and her desire to meet her biological mother is so touching. What has been done is done and over but the two people who are suffering remain suffering. The rapist is dead. My own reaction would be to meet and face each other. Then after that you can both decide if anything comes of that. After they meet, they may wish to never meet again or may find a person they can love. You will never know until you take the chance. Wishing you both closure on this sad situation.

Rape is a hideous experience, and trying to pretend it never happened doesn't make it better. Something good came out of that rape, a child. And meeting that daughter, and her own child, might be the final salve to heal the wound. Instead she is creating new wounds. I cannot imagine the pain of being told you would have been aborted had it been legal.