Read more - Single Irish men opt for the ‘snip’
Read more - Record number of Irish men seek help from abusive wives
Irish men are losing their libido as one-in-five Irish men have little to no interest in sex according to systemic family therapist David Kavanagh.
He believes that the situation is “a crisis we urgently need to address”. However Irish men’s loss of sexual desire is not something that they are willing to talk about with the lads down in the pub, he explains.
"We're led to believe, from a very early stage, that men are supposed to be virile and powerful," he told the Evening Herald in Dublin. "The desire society has for men to show sexual performance leaves them thinking that it's not okay to own up to loss of libido; to say that they're worried about something not working down there. We worry that we're going to be laughed at or judged by our friends. We hide from the fact ourselves and turn away from our partners."
The family therapist is seeing a lot more men with libido loss in his profession. He thinks that Ireland's economic woes are the main cause of their problems.
"The recession is having a huge impact on men," he says. "No matter how much Irish society has evolved, men still see their role as the provider, especially if they have children. So when a man has lost his job or his business, he has lost a huge part of this identity in the context of his family.
"It's a crisis we urgently need to address -- this idea that men have nothing to give unless they are providers for their families. We need to start valuing men as nurturing, kind, loving fathers and husbands in every other respect of those words."
According to Kavanagh the most important ingredient of a healthy sex life is to be able to discuss your sex life with your partner. Communication is essential but he acknowledged that some people find the subject embarrassing.
"Any healthy sexual relationship is about give and take, and about communication, but talking about sex can be embarrassing or even seem dangerous to the relationship, so people go for years sometimes without saying anything at all. No wonder their sex lives are negatively affected," the expert explained.
The Internet revolution has also put a strain on the libido as pornography is now available and accessible 24-hours a day. Kavanagh believes that such a consistent immersion in the fantasy world of Internet porn can also be detrimental to couples sex lives.
"The use of pornography and the portrayal of women in those situations is having a conditioning effect on men in terms of their sexuality. It's very difficult for a man to turn to his wife and say: 'I don't find you attractive enough to want to make love to you.'"
Kavanagh insists that a healthy sex live comes from understanding the emotions we are feeling and how those are manifesting themselves in our bodies. "We need to be attentive to what we are feeling...before we can have healthy, meaningful sex with our partners," he added.
The modern invention of a little blue pill called Viagra has cured many men’s sexual problems. But according to the therapist the pill only deals with physical problems and it can cause people to become even more detached from emotional aspects which are usually the main issue to begin with.
The family therapist reiterates that talking about your sex life openly and honestly is one of the first steps to a healthy sex life.
"Sex is about a reciprocal relationship," Kavanagh noted. "It's only when we realize this and confront it, taking all the prejudices that society has about men and sex out of the mix, that we can go forward."
Read more - Single Irish men opt for the ‘snip’
Read more - Record number of Irish men seek help from abusive wives
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Switch to the desktop site to post a comment.Liamkeyes | Oct 22, 2010, 11:53 AM EDT
I'm very happy to report that I am not obne of the five.
grimchieftain | Oct 22, 2010, 06:23 AM EDT
My dear bogsidebunny, I may be too old to tame the shrew, but not too old to try, haha!
bogsidebunny | Oct 22, 2010, 01:41 AM EDT
My dear grimchieftain, At 53 you're too old to begin the game of "taming the shrew"!
grimchieftain | Oct 21, 2010, 06:21 AM EDT
Oh my! This article makes me question my Irish roots! I'm 53 and do not suffer from this curious ailment at all! Would it be bad form to request the names and addresses of those poor unattended wives?
bogsidebunny | Oct 21, 2010, 02:07 AM EDT
I have to submit: The statistics were much worse before Irish women discovered that unshaven legs and under-arms were a huge deterrent to male arousal!
jacersagain | Oct 20, 2010, 11:47 PM EDT
(.../cont’d) C’mon ladies... may I say (to not all): “Get Real In Your Lives”; men want intercourse with you to have families. Three out of five won’t because many some of young women and durtex stuff deny them that right. Molly Muldoon’s article above suggests one out of every five young men doesn’t? Nah, it’s worse. No wonder the young men don’t want to. What’s the point in the action I the action doesn’t achieve its spurting aims? I posit that many young women don’t want to intercourse with humanity. That is self-destroying for humankind, for humanity, of and by men and women and by plastic things that are indestructible for about, erm... probably 500yrs of the future of natural nature. I dread to think of the effects of durtex and denials. IMHO, the right to have a life out of you must never be denied by plastic or rubber to anyone, especially the One gave you that gift to create life. (pls pardon mistpos0
jacersagain | Oct 20, 2010, 11:27 PM EDT
(/...cont’d) Is there any real woman out there short of a genuine Irish man (chuckle)? Nope... I guess not. And I know why... I guess I’ve always I’ve known why all along for a while... real women aren’t there anymore. They’re on the ‘pill’, or insist on men using oven-food wraps out of the cupboard “for protection” or otherwise deny men what they (the men) want to do – that is: to suffer a job to earn a wage to feed a family, to suffer a woman’s insensible chit chat phone calls, breakfast coffee shopping bills and *arrgh* those interminable ridiculously looking fashion shoes, boots and bootees, her (mostly-) fat-exposing hip-high tights with ugly never-reaching-cover over-cloths and all that other hidden-away from the joint-credit-cards in-the-wardrobes stuff that we men are not supposed to find or know about .. And then expect us men to take a baby’s puke on the shoulder pads of our newly-pressed, cash-paid-fo,r dry-cleaned job-suits, just right before we go to work for an important decision making meeting that could win a father more income for his family? Or international peace even? (ConT’d...)
jacersagain | Oct 20, 2010, 11:20 PM EDT
(/...cont’d) Is there any real woman out there short of a genuine (preferably Irish) man - pardon the chuckle)? Nope? ... I guessed not. And I think I know why. I guess I’ve always known why all along for a while... real women aren’t there anymore. Yep, none there at all. They’re on the ‘pill’, or insist on men using oven-food wraps out of the cupboard “for protection” or otherwise deny men what they (the men) want to do – that is: to suffer a job to earn a wage to feed a family, to suffer a woman’s insensible chit chat phone calls, breakfast coffee shopping bills and *arrgh* those interminable ridiculously looking fashion shoes, boots and bootees, her (mostly) fat-exposing hip-high tights with ugly never-reaching-cover over-cloths and all that other hidden-away from the joint-credit-cards in-the-wardrobes stuff that we men are not supposed to find or know about.. And then they expect us men to take a baby’s puke on the shoulder pads of our newly-pressed, cash-paid-for dry-cleaned job-suits?.. just right before we go to work for an important decision making meeting that could win a father more income for his family? Or international peace even? (ConT’d...)
jacersagain | Oct 20, 2010, 10:43 PM EDT
(...Cont’d) I suggest in the context of Molly’s article above that the reality is that many (?) young Irish men got that bit of reality... and the snip after. Your man Kavanagh that Cathy quoted above is talking rubbish; like one poster said below - ‘aiming for a book’ – most likely to be rubbish-bin-able too. Since the invention of plastic alternatives, some men might prefer the gadgets, or maybe a beer w/ friends while watching a Gaelic football, Hurling, Rugby, Australian Rules game (or better still, Oz-Ire International Rules game - a game that US throw-and-catch-donkey wimp footballers are afraid to get stuck into but should), maybe even a cricket match while their women play with plastic toys at home. Humankind is gonna be doomed w/o us males... *Excuse me while I let out a human man-sigh*. A challenge coming up.... (more.../)
jacersagain | Oct 20, 2010, 10:35 PM EDT
I am shocked by Molly’s article’s statistics. Only one in five? Bedehookies (ok, so what if Hallow’een is coming!) whooo-hoo-hooo. It’s gotta be more frightful than 1 in five – more likely three in five (meaning there’s Irish Toucans who can (two can, geddit???). Especially frightful of those 3 of 5 young men who haven’t a job to support the cost of a fruitful nightstand and a gun-shot wedding: follow-on babies, nappies, puked milk on the shoulders, kids, sleepovers, schools, schoolbooks, teenagers (aargh!), tv soap operas (aaaaaargh!), fashion demands (*argh* to the power of 100), must-have latest gadget demands (*arrrrrrrrrghgh* to the power of infinity). Ok, I’m overboard but not untruthful. (More...)
Wingeire1 | Oct 20, 2010, 06:40 PM EDT
what do I think of this? I see this new soucrs sliding into yellow journalism. Could we have real news please? Not news about junky super stars and peoples sex lives.
PolinDeB | Oct 20, 2010, 06:19 PM EDT
I think this may be a part of the celtic wagon, the women who bought into men who told them they had the money to keep them in luxury for the rest of their lives...and there is nothing so mad as a wagon lorn.... Met alot of these men along shop street in galway, with the money gone.. well.. what else have they...
irishfez | Oct 20, 2010, 05:08 PM EDT
Mollymaguire, sign up on the Irish Central dating site, I'm interested to know what its like. I'm attached so cant do it but can live vicariously through you
sirpeter | Oct 20, 2010, 04:10 PM EDT
I blame the women,they should know that men need to be put in the mood..like make him a nice dinner and apple pie for desert,then bring him in 5 or 6 cans of cold beer while watching football, massage his shoulders and talk about his personnel interests like fast cars for a few hours.All women have to do to get a man into bed is do what men have been doing for centuries..lol
DonnyHL | Oct 20, 2010, 03:37 PM EDT
Hmmm. I smell Whiskey Dick.
killowen | Oct 20, 2010, 01:10 PM EDT
Mysterious oligarch Abramovith, Chelsea's owner is going to sue the irish Gov for billions - another hit on their taxpaying unfortunates. Sad to say but it gets worse with cutbacks that will last for years upon years. Religion that gave them a sense that there was a tomorrow leaves them feeling like lemmings - making for diminished sexual interest.
killowen | Oct 20, 2010, 01:09 PM EDT
Living in or coming from a poodle looking island with its severed head in the control of long occupier neighbour makes for severe dysfunctional behaviour. A people whose usurped harp flys on the Sasanach standards - proclaiming ireland as being in union with them. Next year, 2011, their queen is to arrive to cement their claim. Then the wild exhuberance of that tiger era which is but a pussy cat version whose nine lives are up. Mysterious oligarch Abramovith, Chelsea's owner is going to sue the irish Gov for billions - another hit on their taxpaying unfortunates. Sad to say but it gets worse with cutbacks that will last for years upon years. Religion that gave them a sense that there was a tomorrow leaves them feeling like lemmings - making for diminished sexual interest.
Scrivner | Oct 20, 2010, 12:15 PM EDT
Perhaps the men who said they weren't interested thought Dr K was coming on to them? Sexual relationships are full of misunderstandings--that's why there's so many jokes about it.
antoman | Oct 20, 2010, 10:11 AM EDT
This is not true,infact we can't get enough.Its entirely the church's fault that we are so fond of sex.Every Sunday from the pulpit the priest would chastise us for our immoratily,depravity,lust and promiscuity..and sat there listening...we'd "stiffen" with pride :)
Carlowmick | Oct 20, 2010, 10:05 AM EDT
bs
katieherk | Oct 20, 2010, 09:49 AM EDT
Is this not going a wee bit too far with our blogs? First, who cares... second, this is not the type of subject that should be in an otherwise notable website. Gosh, forgot all that trash!!!
chesapeake | Oct 20, 2010, 09:34 AM EDT
Perhaps it's too much time spent in the pub with drinking buddies. Perhaps more emphasis should have been placed upon identifying relationships where the significant other (how PC!) is no longer interested; and, the survey should have identified the age group(s) questioned. As for that one in five, screw him. Incidentally, as a matter of information for Mollymaguiretge... 67 ain't that old! I canf
Mollymaguiretge | Oct 20, 2010, 09:20 AM EDT
Well, I'm a 67 year old widow and I'd love to meet one of these men in my aGE RANGE. i'D JUST LIKE TO MEET A NICE MAN WITH WHOM I CAN HAVE SOME FUN AND COMPANIONSHIP without all that hoopla. I had my day and now I think it's great to move on to other activities. Hook me up with one!!!!!
IronMountainMovies | Oct 20, 2010, 09:11 AM EDT
My guess is the therapist has an upcoming book to sell. As to men not wanting to make love to someone who is unattractive, since when did looks have anything to do with a man getting his end away!