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Top ten worst Christmas and Santa Claus jokes of all time

Try to resist but these awful Christmas jokes will have you chuckling

BERNIE MALONE,

IrishCentral Staff Writer

Published Tuesday, December 6, 2011, 7:17 AM

Updated Tuesday, December 6, 2011, 11:36 AM

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You can try to resist but this terrible Christmas jokes will make you laugh...ho ho ho

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“Tis the season to be jolly” and with that, as the tradition goes, are some very very bad jokes.

Whether it’s that annoying uncle who thinks he is hilarious or those infamous jokes that come in the Christmas crackers, you’re sure to hear some “clangers” this season.

Here’s our pick of some of the cringe-worthy and wince-inducing jokes that will have you chuckling to yourself this Christmas season.

Got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.
Not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.

Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A: A Christmas Quacker!

Q: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
A: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinsilitis!

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Q: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
A: He's a fungi to be with.

Q: What is Santa's favorite pizza?
A: One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause!

Q: Why does Santa like to work in the garden?
A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Santa
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

Q: Why was Santa Claus’ help so down?
A: Because he had low elf-esteem.

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mandrake | Dec 07, 2011, 12:44 PM EST

What was the name of the ninth reindeer? Olive, as in the song "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names

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jamieLM | Dec 06, 2011, 04:22 PM EST

Christian to Jewish dept. store owner, "I'll bet you don't like Christmas." Jewish owner, "Oh, we love it. We join hands and dance around the cash register singing, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." (That's the title of an old hymn sung in America)

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IAPRINCESS | Dec 06, 2011, 01:42 PM EST

G R O A N S

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mixplix | Dec 06, 2011, 11:40 AM EST

Why doesn't Santa have children? He only comes once a year and that's down a chimney.

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muirisobric | Dec 06, 2011, 10:01 AM EST

It was Christmas day in the harem. The Eunochs all were there. Watching the lovely maidens combing their beautiful hair. Up stood the Lord of the harem. And his voice rang thru the halls. Saying: "What diya want for Christmas boys?". And they all shouted "B...S".

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CitizenWhy | Dec 06, 2011, 09:37 AM EST

Never heard them. Sorry, they're ridiculously funny. The kind of jokes young kids would love, or teens high on pot, or people who never heard them before. Loosen up, it's Christmas. A little indulging of other people, even boring relatives, is in the spirit of the season.

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irishmary24 | Dec 06, 2011, 09:35 AM EST

You said there would be jokes. Where are the jokes?

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ReturnedYank | Dec 06, 2011, 09:34 AM EST

A man returns to his hometown for Christmas where an old friend is running a diner (this is an American joke obviously). The man goes in for breakfast, looks at the menu and the owner recommends the eggs benedict. That sounded nice so the man ordered it and waited for it to come. The owner shows up with the meal on an old chrome hubcab. The man says, "What the feck (not so American now, is he?) is this?" The owner replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

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powsmias | Dec 06, 2011, 09:24 AM EST

pathetic

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KSERRAHN | Dec 06, 2011, 08:44 AM EST

sad very sad LOL

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