OMG! Have you seen the latest Robert Pattinson revelation? The poor fellow has chipped a tooth.
Stop the presses, forget about the Taliban, hold off the economic crisis – let's go to the RPatz report.
Here it is. Robert Pattinson "reportedly chipped his tooth while flossing,” according to “Eclipse” co-star Bryce Dallas Howard.
Oh my God, is he ok? Will he survive? Where is the in depth report on all this? Which hospital was he rushed to? Did a cab knock him down on the way?
The actress told New York magazine at the premiere of her latest film that he accidentally chipped his tooth, reports E! Online. Wow! Two sources here. Well actually one – E! online rereporting a New York magazine exclusive.
This is Pulitzer Prize stuff, folks.
Here is the actual text of the 'interview' by airhead Bryce Dallas Howard. "He told me this story that made me crack up. He was like, 'Oh, I have to go to the dentist.' And I was like, 'Oh no, what happened? Just a checkup?' And he was like, 'No, I chipped a tooth.' And I was like, 'How?' And he was like, 'Flossing.'"
Brilliantly spoken! This woman is a literary genius – her unprecedented use of the world 'like' repeatedly is major breakthrough for the English language. Scholars will have to study this.
See? Flossing is evil. It could have cost RPatz a tooth, or worse, a gum infection. This is terrible.
Howard made the comments when asked if Pattinson was hygienic, and added: "I don't even floss. So he's hygienic. Trust me."
Whew – what an exclusive! – R Patz is hygienic. Who knew? Next, whether or not RPatz uses toilet paper. Coming soon.