Robert Pattinson as vampire Edward Cullen: the only time this actor has been "dead"

Shock, horror, Robert Pattinson has been nominated for two Scream Awards given annually to the actors and movies that scared the living daylights out of you.

Rob has been nominated for something like best emerging horror actor award. The awards air on Spike on October 27th. Rob is perfect for the title of scariest actor, but not for the reasons stated in the awards.

'Twilight' is about as scary as my grandmother knitting. It is about as scary as a little girl's Halloween costume. It's about as scary as Mom and apple pie.  IT IS NOT A SCARY MOVIE, ludicrous, fanciful and scary in the sense that it was a massive hit for Rob.

I mean have you seen the movie? It's about as scary as a bowl of cornflakes. Rob spends much of it living in a tree and casting weird spells like a refugee from harry Potter --which indeed he is. He's charming in a gormless kind of way-- but scary? Absolutely not.

But Rob is no Boris Karloff as Dracula. He may look a little like him with the big hair and wild eyes, but he's really just a little English boy under all that makeup --say aww girls. Nominating him for a Scream award is like awarding a Nobel Prize to Joan Rivers for he work on behalf of Botox.

It makes no sense. The kid is not scary -- he's not even a good actor. But no doubt his star power will overcome all and Pattinson will be feted on the night and win the award. Its a fix you see, to ensure that Scream  awards for Rob will get people writing about the awards themselves -- like silly old me.

Good for Spike television but this is the phoniest award since the Donald Trump humility one. I am thinking of starting own Buzz Brady Awards. They will be called the "Scaredy Cat' awards and will go to anyone who swears honestly that Rob frightened them in 'Twilight.' Any takers girls?