Dear MTN, My husband and I have been together for 20 years. Our sex life is... okay. We have good weeks and we have bad weeks. Some times I'm just too tired or bored to do it. I feel terrible that I just don't have the lust for him I used to. I know after 20 years it's bound to not be what it was in week one, but I don't want to turn into one of those couples that is never intimate. I'm just not sure what is considered "normal" after 20 years of marriage. If there is something I should or could be doing to help please him, let me know! Thanks. - Mary Dear Mary, That it terrific you have been married for 20 years. Why don't you re-write me with a more positive attitude and say, "MTN, I'm happy to say I've been married to a terrific man for 20 years and I would love some advice on how to keep the spark going. I love him so much, that I want to continue to have a lovely, fulfilling, sexual relationship with him for the next 20 years." Do you see the difference. It's all in your mind-set! You have the answers in your heart! Go on a shopping spree to Victoria's Secret and surprise your man Friday night when he comes home wearing your new outfit! Make him a delicious meal with candlelight, and when he asks why? just say because I love you! Each week think of something new to do for him and don't expect anything in return! The amazing thing about those romantic things you'll be doing for him, is that he will want to think of similar things to do for you. I can probably imagine he'll be calling his single friends for ideas after two weeks of the "new you!" - MTN Dear MTN, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and thought we had a great relationship. I thought everything was fine and we were happy. Recently I found he had a profile on this website that is for people that want to cheat on their spouses! It's called Ashley Madison.com and it is specifically for people who want to cheat! How can they have such a service out there? I feel so terrible and I can't understand why someone would want to encourage people to cheat on their wives or husbands!! I don't know if he was just looking or if he really does want to cheat, please help me Maureen! - Kara Dear Kara, I am not going to even discuss a service like this because I feel the same way as you do. I will acknowledge that it is not my business what people do and I am not the type of person who judges anyone. Having said that, RUN, don't walk out the door, RUN!!! Tell him the truth of what you found, and get closure to this relationship. There is obviously a disconnect in your relationship somewhere for him to be viewing this site, so whether it can be repaired, I don't know. Since you asked my opinion, I am voting on that it cannot be fixed, and start looking for a healthy relationship with a man who doesn't believe in cheating! Good luck my dear! - MTN Dear MTN, I just started dating this guy about 2 weeks ago and things are going really well. We've been going out a few times a week and talk frequently on the phone. I am so nervous that with Valentine's day around the corner he is going to get freaked out and feel like I am expecting something. I don't know what to do! I can't give him something super lovey-dovey because I just don't have those feelings yet . I want to give him at least a card and a little gift but I'll feel ridiculous if he doesn't give me something. I don't know if I should bring up the subject of Valentine's Day ahead of time, just be make sure we are both on the same page? I mean it's Valentine's Day, he should get me a little something, don't you think? Please help me Maureen! - Candy Dear Candy, Leave it up to the guy, as I always say...Let him ask you what your plans are for Valentine's Day, and say something cute like, "hopefully spending it with this really hot guy named ?" Obviously using his name...If he offers to take you out to dinner give him a nice card during dinner. A gift from you is not necessary at this early stage of the game. He should be writing me asking what he should be getting you for this special occassion, and I would respond with a box of chocolates. Happy Valentine's Day. - MTN Please continue to send in your questions to MTN at Mtnelson@optonline.net. Maureen Tara Nelson is a Private Matchmaker for the entire Metro New York area. Call today at 1-888-31-MATCH. You can also look up more information on MTN at Mtnmatchmaking.com.
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